Men who attempt to abuse mail order brides

Although the commitment involved in finding a "mail order bride" ensures that the vast majority of men using such a service are wholly committed to finding a suitable lifemate there are some dangers of which potential brides should be aware. 

These are very much the exception, however, and Brides-4u will do everything to assist should you encounter any problems of this kind.  Hopefully, anything untoward will be picked up in the initial stages of correspondence.  But just in case, here are some established scams to be aware of:

What are the dangers for potential brides?

• Occasional truth of stereotype of predatory, dangerous men.  While the majority of men looking for a mail order bride are genuinely looking for a loving monogamous relationship, a few seek to exploit the system and see potential brides as nothing other than commodities to be bought and subjugated.
• Manifestation of this exploitation: this kind of abuse ranges from the pressure for a bride to serve as wife, maid and nurse rolled into one, to more extreme cases of mental and/or physical abuse.

Where do these dangers come from?

• Power imbalance: men searching for mail order brides can potentially enter the system assuming the upper hand immediately.  Communicating in their native language, and with the goal of setting up home in their own country only serve to accentuate this.  The bride will therefore be at a disadvantage from the beginning.
• Perception of potential brides as weak and passive: this belief perpetuates itself as a pattern on learned helplessness, and makes the woman extremely vulnerable.  A possible outcome of this is mental and/or physical abuse.  Incidences of domestic violence are believed to be higher among mail order bride couples.
• Exploitation of fear of deportation: dependent wives often have fewer resources within the marriage with which to negotiate changes in their husbands' behaviour and therefore do not speak out as they fear deportation.

Disadvantages of the internet

• Can hide a multitude of sins: although the internet has become a fast and time-efficient means of meeting our potential partner, it is in many ways a false environment, where we cannot see or hear the other person.
• Modifying our personal details to make that potential special someone find us more attractive is far easier online.  This can range from lying about one?s age to posing as a respectable and upstanding citizen but in reality being a socially maladjusted or even sexually perverted individual.
• Unreal setting of communicating in cyber culture: moving to more traditional methods such as letter writing and telephone conversations can help us understand more of the other person and avoid misunderstandings.

How to avoid fraudsters

Brides-4u strongly advises potential brides to be use their judgement carefully in any correspondence.  However, here are some pointers to avoiding fraudsters.

Early on in correspondence - Be wary of men who:

• write ?blanket? letters not addressed to anyone in particular.  This indicates that they are looking for a bride as quickly as possible and cannot even spare the time to write individual letters.
• write sexually explicit letters very early on.  This kind of letter is completely inappropriate and suggests that the man is not looking for the kind of long-term monogamous relationship which Brides-4u seeks to promote.

Later in correspondence - Other patterns to be aware of:

• refusing to give out personal details such as a telephone number, and coming up with elaborate excuses to do so.  An example of this is a man who claimed he had broken his jaw in a car accident, was employed by the CIA, had his telephone number changed every 24 hours and so on.  Further investigation showed that he was well known by the police for inviting women from around the world to come and live with him, but never showing up at the airport and claiming not to know them when they arrived.

How to report fraud

If you have any doubts about men you have corresponded with through the Brides-4u website, please contact us as soon as possible, detailing the problems encountered.  These will then be investigated.

The following links are also of use in detecting and reporting fraudulent information:

• Internet fraud complaint center.
• Antiscam.net - Report scammers for men and women - non-profit making organisation

You may also be interested in a similar article that we have written for men who may be scammed by brides.

Article by Emma Newlands
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