The Social Stigma behind the Mail Order Bride concept

Where does this stigma come from?

There is undoubtedly still some stigma attached to the concept of mail order brides.  A common preconception is that of a lonely, predatory Western man whose only opportunity to marry is to pay for a subservient woman from a more ?traditional? culture where men must be obeyed. 

As with all stereotypes however, there is no smoke without fire and there are undoubtedly men who will use mail order bride services with less than honourable intentions.  However, they are in the minority, and the mail order bride concept is fast becoming an acceptable if not fashionable way of meeting someone.

The term ?mail order bride?.

The description ?mail order bride? itself is very misleading, conjuring up images of women being selected at random for the right price and sent by Fed Ex to their eagerly awaiting husbands of whom they know nothing.  The truth is very different and far more reciprocal, ensuring that the requirements of both the men and women using the service are met.  The brides do not travel by post either!

(see also our article on the history of the mail order bride concept)

How the process actually works.

The process, whereby the men scan their potential brides, and then write to the ladies in whom they are interested, allows for both parties to find out how much they have in common, after which they can arrange to meet. 

Gone are the days when women had to marry for purely economic reasons, and they have as much say these days as their male counterparts.  Moreover, in the mail order bride system, it could be argued that the women have more control than the men as they may have more than one potential suitor writing to them and are free to pick the most appealing.

How many people use mail order bride-type services?

Using the internet to find a potential partner is becoming the logical conclusion for more and more people today, and it is estimated that there are 8 million people worldwide looking for their other half on the web.  Of these, between 100,000 and 150,000 are mail order brides, mostly from South East Asia and Eastern Europe .

Why is it so popular?

What makes such a system so appealing is that it is convenient and time-efficient, an essential in a world where working hours are increasing and infringing on our leisure time. 

The traditional means of meeting partners are also all but a memory, and using the internet is a pragmatic way of meeting a like-minded person who is serious about forming a relationship.  Furthermore, it is affordable, low-maintenance and the perfect solution for our time-poor lifestyles, and the natural successor to more established services.  It is also less intimidating than other means of meeting, such as in a bar or at a party.

The increasing realisation of the practicality of web dating is borne out in the fact that ten years ago, the sector barely registered as a potential growth area in long-term market forecasts, yet today, it is estimated that in the UK alone, the dating services industry is worth around £600m.  This has risen exponentially alongside the increase in single people, and the number of web daters is expected to double within the next five years.

Research has also shown that the majority of web daters are urban, professional and technologically literate, with an appealing amount of disposable income, somewhat diminishing the image of the lonely, sinister man rubbing his hands together as his fated bride is handed over by the delivery boy. 

Drawbacks of the system

However, such a method of meeting people is not without its drawbacks.  Critics have called it the commodification of romance, and there is a danger of creating a fixed picture of what we want in our heads which will not be matched by reality.  We are in effect, trying to impose control over an area that is rarely governed by control, determining our future by determining attributes like the eye colour of our potential partner.

There is also the danger of our potential soul mate turns out to be someone different on meeting them (see also our article on fraudsters and scammers), and further down the line, there are also issues to consider in cases when moving to a foreign country to be with a partners, such as cultural and language barriers. 

Regulation

Regulation of the industry is patchy.  In the UK for example, there is no trade body covering internet dating services although an association of British introduction agencies (AIBA) was set up in 1981.  Considering the projected increase in such services, and the demand behind them (almost 40% of all households will be single by 2010), there is a worrying amount of room left for fraudsters to make a fast buck by exploiting this search for our other half.

Protection of vulnerable mail order brides is becoming more commonplace, and in the USA, mail order brides can continue to apply for residence if they can prove they are victims of domestic violence (although it must be stressed that such cases are a minority).  Australia and Canada are pursuing a similar path, and there is pressure for the UK to follow suit.

Growing realisation of the benefits of the mail order bride system

In conclusion however, the stigma of mail order bride services continues to diminish as our lifestyles change and the need for an introduction service that is efficient and practical increases.  Mail order bride services like Brides-4u are in essence the perfect solution to what is an increasingly fashionable lifestyle choice.

Article by Emma Newlands
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